fear

The job search is going more slowly than expected.  I've sent out 56 resumes and had bites on 3, all of which have been library-ish jobs.  I came in second for one of them, have an interview for another in two weeks and interviewed for the third today.  I don't necessarily want to be in libraries - though I don't necessarily not want to be in libraries either - at this point I'd really like a job with a paycheck. 

The job I interviewed for today is a part-time "filler" job, as in "fills the time before something more appropriate pops up".  I won't say what the job is, but I can say that neither of my Masters degrees are necessary for the job.  I didn't exactly lie in my cover letter but I did say that I was specifically looking for something part-time while I started an entrepreneurial venture.  You may recall that I set 10 goals for the year in January, one of which was in fact to figure out if I can start a small (very small) business.  As I spoke about my business idea to the interview panel, I kept thinking to myself What am I waiting for?

What am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?

No, really - What Am I Waiting For??  The idea I have isn't all that groundbreaking - I want to make some things, sell them on etsy and make some money to make (and sell) more things.  What am I waiting for? 

I've been thinking about this idea a lot lately, mostly because I have so much time on my hands and I'm having so much fun making stuff.  How hard would it be to make a few zipper bags in various sizes, shapes and colors and see if I can sell them?  Not very.  I wandered around a local artisans craft fair a couple of weeks ago and drove myself crazy saying "I can make that!"  Why have I not plunged in to this venture?  Fear.  I keep thinking of things that set me into a panic that's are keeping me from doing it, including: I don't know how to take pictures to make the stuff look good.  I'd have to spend a bit of money for fabric and supplies.  I know how to sew but have so much left to learn. I have no idea how to sell stuff on etsy.  I don't have a paypal account and don't really know how they work.  What if no one buys anything?  What if I get bored/tired of it?  What if it works? 

If someone came to me with this idea and was caught up in the "what if" cycle, this is what I'd say:
- I don't know how to take pictures to make the stuff look good.  Maybe your photographer extraordinaire brother can give you some pointers.
- I'd have to spend a bit of money for fabric and supplies.  I currently have enough fabric/scraps to make a number of things so the initial material costs would be minimal.
- I know how to sew but have so much left to learn.  If I make a 100 bags, then by bag 10 I'll be an expert. 
- I have no idea how to sell stuff on etsy.  There must be online manuals, blogs, tutorials, etc.
- I don't have a paypal account and don't really know how they work.  There must be online manuals, blogs, tutorials, etc.  Everyone in the world has a paypal account - ask someone.
- What if no one buys anything?  Then you'll have Christmas and birthday gifts to give for years to come.
- What if I get bored/tired of it?  Then stop doing it.  There's no law that says you have to do it for life.  If you enjoy it, do it.  If you hate it, stop. 
- What if it works?  Then send me a postcard from your retirement home on the Riviera :-)

See how silly I'm being?  I have nothing to fear except fear.  In the next week I am going to make some proto-types and figure out how to sell stuff on etsy.  Whatever it is that I am waiting for isn't going to arrive by itself.