I sold my triathlon wetsuit on Friday. My last race was in April 2008. I am officially retired from triathlon. I have no idea why I held on to it so long. When I moved back to New England I had grandiose ideas that I would join the local triathlon scene here and continue on in a sport that meant a great deal to me while living in SoCal. When I drove across country I found I didn't really miss my bike. Running has always been my true love so I was happy for the opportunity to run more. The summer I arrived in New England was the summer of crazy rain storms where the sky would just open up for a few hours in the afternoon and drench everything. I've never been crazy about riding in the rain. By the time fall came around I was ready to ride. I rode a few times but the riding is different here. The roads are in bad shape and there aren't miles of bike paths; you ride with cars, in traffic. I thought about finding a pool but never did. The swim was always my least favorite part of triathlon.
And yet, I still thought of myself as a triathlete and still fantasized about racing again. I would see groups of triathletes out for a group ride and think that I was still like they were, that I would be joining them just as soon as I ran out of excuses. The more time that passed, the less I wanted to be part of it all. It's like I knew that moving back east was the end. Triathlon was such a big part of my life in California. I loved it. I loved training and racing and being part of something bigger than myself. And I loved being fit and strong and knowing that I could accomplish just about any physical task that came my way. But I didn't like how crazy it made me, how easily it fed into my obsessive nature and how little time it left for anything else. I had to take a break after my bike crash and I found it really hard to get back into it afterwards and then I became preoccupied with getting out of California. It would be too easy to make a big metaphor out of all of this and say subconsciously that I was just ready for a Big Change and was ready to leave triathlon behind, but I think it's kind of true.
Change is hard and giving up something that was essentially my identity for seven years is really hard. So I held on to my wetsuit and silly fantasies about racing again, or even riding my bike again. But the passion I once had for the sport never came back and it just became absurd to look at my wetsuit hanging in my closet every time I went to get my coat. So I posted it on CraigsList and sold it to a women who said she was going to trash it while caving. It's bittersweet. I am glad to put that part of my life behind me but it's also a little hard to let go. Aside from school and all the related stress, I am generally in a good place. I'll never do another triathlon again and I am happier for it.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
the winter that wasn't
Last winter we got a million feet of snow. Seriously. Every time I turned around we'd get another foot. It was brutal. This winter has made up for all of last winter's pain and suffering. We got a freak snowstorm on Halloween weekend (and to be fair, the accumulation in my area lasted about 30 seconds), and another few inches in January. That's it. Sure, there have been many threats of snow but we've gotten more sunshine than anything else. I've loved every minute about it.
The thing about there not being snow is that the ground never freezes. And if the ground never freezes then the bulbs get a little seasonal confusion and start to grow in mid-February. The crocuses and daffodils around my complex are ready for spring. Me too.
(note: all pictures were taken on February 19)
The thing about there not being snow is that the ground never freezes. And if the ground never freezes then the bulbs get a little seasonal confusion and start to grow in mid-February. The crocuses and daffodils around my complex are ready for spring. Me too.
(note: all pictures were taken on February 19)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
early semester thoughts
The semester is off to a roaring start. We've already had three weeks of classes, I've turned in a couple of papers and my group projects are already in progress. Some random thoughts/observations:
- I am beyond grateful that this is my last semester. I don't think I have the stamina to keep going for another semester.
- I'm taking 3 full classes and an internship. The internship has some assignments but mostly I work two full days/week. I also have a research assistantship for a marketing professor. I have 90 hours to complete during the semester. I think I have 80 hours left to go. One of the classes is a 5-week Saturday that starts after spring break.
- My worst day is Tuesday. I leave my house by 6:40am and after a full day at my internship and then class, I don't get home until a little after 11pm. Thursday is my second worst day as I leave my house by 6:40am, have a full day at my internship and then class but I'm home by 9pm-ish. I've actually discovered the joys of sleeping in on Wednesday and have bought curtains in my bedroom to help me recover as much as possible from Tuesday's marathon.
- I am so so so tired of eating almonds for snacks at work and in class!! If I don't find an alternative set of snacks, I think I am going to turn into an almond!!
- Though I have fewer classes this semester I feel like there's more work. Or maybe it just feels that way because I can't do any schoolwork on Tuesday or Thursday so I have fewer days to do the same amount of work? I don't know what will happen when my Saturday class starts and I have one less day to finish everything.
- A lot of my friends are graduating with me in May (May 19!!!) so the big topic of conversation is jobs. A few of my friends already have jobs; the rest of us can't figure out how to make the time to look for a job. It's overwhelming. The more I work at my internship, the more I can't wait to get back to work and start contributing again. It will also be nice to get a paycheck again! :-)
- Only one of my classes has a group project component this semester. It's for my strategic management class and the project is a semester-long online business simulation. We met for the first time yesterday to complete the first week's work and I am really really glad I have such a good group - smart, engaged, type-A, and focused. My kind of people!
- I am so over where I live. My condo association chopped down all of the trees on my street last month and there have been a few other things going on that have really started to bother me. I cannot wait until I graduate, get a job, and can sell this place! I feel like I live in an apartment complex that is slowly going downhill and hurting my re-sale value but I am powerless to do anything about it. It's affecting my happiness while I'm at home.
- Besides job hunting, the other big conversations among my friends are Who's going to graduation? and Who's having a party? Count me in for both!
- Over the January break my beau moved to a new apartment that's 2.6 miles away from me, which has made me ridiculously happy and has made it a lot easier for us to see one another. My semester goal, which my beau supports, is to see each other at least twice a week. So far so good. I am determined to not let this semester get the better of my relationship!
- Words can't express how ready I am for this whole program to be over. I am exhausted, mentally and physically, and really want my life back. I can honestly say that getting my MBA was a really really good decision and I am excited for the opportunities that it has created, but it's an intense program with a shocking amount of work and I am quickly running out of steam. I'm so close to the end, that every day that passes is one day closer to graduation. I can't tell you how good it feels to have the finish line so close!!!!
I'll post some thoughts about the semester when it's over but for now, I've got to put my head down and get to work! :-)
- I am beyond grateful that this is my last semester. I don't think I have the stamina to keep going for another semester.
- I'm taking 3 full classes and an internship. The internship has some assignments but mostly I work two full days/week. I also have a research assistantship for a marketing professor. I have 90 hours to complete during the semester. I think I have 80 hours left to go. One of the classes is a 5-week Saturday that starts after spring break.
- My worst day is Tuesday. I leave my house by 6:40am and after a full day at my internship and then class, I don't get home until a little after 11pm. Thursday is my second worst day as I leave my house by 6:40am, have a full day at my internship and then class but I'm home by 9pm-ish. I've actually discovered the joys of sleeping in on Wednesday and have bought curtains in my bedroom to help me recover as much as possible from Tuesday's marathon.
- I am so so so tired of eating almonds for snacks at work and in class!! If I don't find an alternative set of snacks, I think I am going to turn into an almond!!
- Though I have fewer classes this semester I feel like there's more work. Or maybe it just feels that way because I can't do any schoolwork on Tuesday or Thursday so I have fewer days to do the same amount of work? I don't know what will happen when my Saturday class starts and I have one less day to finish everything.
- A lot of my friends are graduating with me in May (May 19!!!) so the big topic of conversation is jobs. A few of my friends already have jobs; the rest of us can't figure out how to make the time to look for a job. It's overwhelming. The more I work at my internship, the more I can't wait to get back to work and start contributing again. It will also be nice to get a paycheck again! :-)
- Only one of my classes has a group project component this semester. It's for my strategic management class and the project is a semester-long online business simulation. We met for the first time yesterday to complete the first week's work and I am really really glad I have such a good group - smart, engaged, type-A, and focused. My kind of people!
- I am so over where I live. My condo association chopped down all of the trees on my street last month and there have been a few other things going on that have really started to bother me. I cannot wait until I graduate, get a job, and can sell this place! I feel like I live in an apartment complex that is slowly going downhill and hurting my re-sale value but I am powerless to do anything about it. It's affecting my happiness while I'm at home.
- Besides job hunting, the other big conversations among my friends are Who's going to graduation? and Who's having a party? Count me in for both!
- Over the January break my beau moved to a new apartment that's 2.6 miles away from me, which has made me ridiculously happy and has made it a lot easier for us to see one another. My semester goal, which my beau supports, is to see each other at least twice a week. So far so good. I am determined to not let this semester get the better of my relationship!
- Words can't express how ready I am for this whole program to be over. I am exhausted, mentally and physically, and really want my life back. I can honestly say that getting my MBA was a really really good decision and I am excited for the opportunities that it has created, but it's an intense program with a shocking amount of work and I am quickly running out of steam. I'm so close to the end, that every day that passes is one day closer to graduation. I can't tell you how good it feels to have the finish line so close!!!!
I'll post some thoughts about the semester when it's over but for now, I've got to put my head down and get to work! :-)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year
Happy New Year!! (or as V would say, "Happy Nude Rear!")
It's been a crazy year. I feel like I blinked an suddenly it was December. School took up so much of my mental and physical space that when I think back on 2011, all I can see are images of me sitting on my couch, huddled over my laptop; me, sitting in class, feeling both energized and overwhelmed; and me, somewhere along my commute to or from school.
2012 promises to be a big year - I applied for graduation this morning and god willing, I will start a new career this summer. I am really really excited about all that 2012 holds. I love new beginnings. Though every day and every minute is a chance to start over, there is something about a new year that truly seems to wipe the slate clean.
I've decided to not focus on New Year's resolutions this year; instead I've come up with 10 goals for myself or 10 things I'd like to learn, try or experience. Inevitably this list will change after graduation and I have more "free time" (is there not a more beautiful phrase in the English language than "free time"? I think not.) but this list stems out of where I am at present. Though it's fun to think of the future and all that it holds, I am very aware that I live now, today and here.
1. Take a class on yoga arm balances. I've been practicing yoga consistently for a year and a half and I am so proud of how much I've learned about my body and how much it has helped me gain a little peace. I am constantly amazed that I can do poses now that I could barely even understand when I started. One area that continues to be a challenge is arm balances and I'd like to take a workshop to really break down the poses so I can start practicing in earnest.
2. Travel somewhere new. I barely made it out of my county this year. Fortunately when I did make it out of the county, I went to many new places: Copenhagen, Stockholm and Halifax and visited some favorites including Maine and Western Mass. I love exploring new places and I hope to find a few new places to explore this year.
3. Wear less black. I have been in a style rut for over 25 years. I've worn all black for years because at various times I've thought it was cool, slimming, or simply the easiest color to pick out in the stores. I really don't like to shop so whatever is easiest sometimes wins. I took a class in change management this fall and as part of the class we had to pick a personal change that we wanted to make and use it to investigate change theories throughout the entire semester. I picked "inject more color into my wardrobe." I weeded a bunch of aged black t-shirts and have slowly begun replacing them with color. It was scary at first, but I've found that I feel better about myself when I wear a little color - I feel more confident, more stylish and feel like I don't simply disappear when I walk into a room. I still own a lot of black clothing and I've noticed that when forced to pick a black shirt out of my dresser I'm a little disappointed that I have to wear all black "again". Crazy, I know :-) I'd like to continue the progress I've made and continue to inject a little color into my wardrobe.
3. My hair grows really fast so I've had about 15 haircuts this year. None of them were great cuts though I am mildly pleased with its present state. One thing that every hair stylist has agreed upon is that I don't have good hair. It's thin and fine and there isn't much of it. There is also a steady increase in the amount of grey that's growing in. I'm not ready for grey hair. Popular opinion among hairstylists is that if I were to color my hair it would give me "better" hair (I think this was complimentary?). I bought a box of hair color over the summer but I've been too chicken to use it. This year, for sure.
4. I've set a few sewing goals for myself this year. I only set five but there's so much I want to do and learn that it was hard to even identify some things that I don't even know that I want to learn how to do yet. I am really looking forward to being done with school so I can continue to learn and create.
5. Live band karaoke. The last time I did karaoke was in September 1997 in Japan. Karaoke is part of the Japanese culture and it's generally assumed that you're going to suck and have a great time while doing it. A couple of weeks ago one of my friends organized an outing to a bar that hosts a weekly live band karaoke. The band plays and you sing along with the lyric sheet. I didn't know what to expect so I watched the first 10 or so singers. They were amazing! It's clear that a lot more people practice singing popular songs in the shower than I do. I was totally intimidated and didn't put my name on the list until it was too late. I really want to do this. I don't have a particularly good singing voice but I like performing and I am kicking myself that I just didn't go for it when I had the chance. We're going again in a few works and mark my words, I am going to badly belt out some pop song if it's the last thing I do.
6. Graduation is on May 19. Yay!!! I can't wait!! Unless I flunk all of my classes (unlikely), I am going to get my MBA this year. I took a huge leap leaving libraries and starting a new career and it's been a wild wild ride. I am so glad that I didn't accept complacency and unhappiness and that I went back to school to learn something new. I cannot wait to see how my new career comes together.
7. I need to widen my circle of friends. In some ways, I have never felt more lonely than I have in my life as I have felt in the past year and a half. My promise to myself: I will not allow myself to keep feeling this way after May.
8. I'd like to take a class in the fall. I know this seems nuts - I've been in class quite intensely for the past year and a half. Those are business school classes. While they've been interesting and at times fun, I haven't enjoyed them in the same way I'd enjoy taking an improv class or a belly dancing class or a Japanese class for fun.
9. (I'm reserving this one for some magical discovery/remembrance of something I've always wanted to do!)
10. I've been mulling an entrepreneurial venture for a few months. I'm not sure if it's the influence of business school, because I have something to prove to myself or just because I have an idea that I think might be kind of fun, but this is the year that I figure out how to make it work and if it's possible to start a small (very small) business.
It's been a crazy year. I feel like I blinked an suddenly it was December. School took up so much of my mental and physical space that when I think back on 2011, all I can see are images of me sitting on my couch, huddled over my laptop; me, sitting in class, feeling both energized and overwhelmed; and me, somewhere along my commute to or from school.
2012 promises to be a big year - I applied for graduation this morning and god willing, I will start a new career this summer. I am really really excited about all that 2012 holds. I love new beginnings. Though every day and every minute is a chance to start over, there is something about a new year that truly seems to wipe the slate clean.
I've decided to not focus on New Year's resolutions this year; instead I've come up with 10 goals for myself or 10 things I'd like to learn, try or experience. Inevitably this list will change after graduation and I have more "free time" (is there not a more beautiful phrase in the English language than "free time"? I think not.) but this list stems out of where I am at present. Though it's fun to think of the future and all that it holds, I am very aware that I live now, today and here.
1. Take a class on yoga arm balances. I've been practicing yoga consistently for a year and a half and I am so proud of how much I've learned about my body and how much it has helped me gain a little peace. I am constantly amazed that I can do poses now that I could barely even understand when I started. One area that continues to be a challenge is arm balances and I'd like to take a workshop to really break down the poses so I can start practicing in earnest.
2. Travel somewhere new. I barely made it out of my county this year. Fortunately when I did make it out of the county, I went to many new places: Copenhagen, Stockholm and Halifax and visited some favorites including Maine and Western Mass. I love exploring new places and I hope to find a few new places to explore this year.
3. Wear less black. I have been in a style rut for over 25 years. I've worn all black for years because at various times I've thought it was cool, slimming, or simply the easiest color to pick out in the stores. I really don't like to shop so whatever is easiest sometimes wins. I took a class in change management this fall and as part of the class we had to pick a personal change that we wanted to make and use it to investigate change theories throughout the entire semester. I picked "inject more color into my wardrobe." I weeded a bunch of aged black t-shirts and have slowly begun replacing them with color. It was scary at first, but I've found that I feel better about myself when I wear a little color - I feel more confident, more stylish and feel like I don't simply disappear when I walk into a room. I still own a lot of black clothing and I've noticed that when forced to pick a black shirt out of my dresser I'm a little disappointed that I have to wear all black "again". Crazy, I know :-) I'd like to continue the progress I've made and continue to inject a little color into my wardrobe.
3. My hair grows really fast so I've had about 15 haircuts this year. None of them were great cuts though I am mildly pleased with its present state. One thing that every hair stylist has agreed upon is that I don't have good hair. It's thin and fine and there isn't much of it. There is also a steady increase in the amount of grey that's growing in. I'm not ready for grey hair. Popular opinion among hairstylists is that if I were to color my hair it would give me "better" hair (I think this was complimentary?). I bought a box of hair color over the summer but I've been too chicken to use it. This year, for sure.
4. I've set a few sewing goals for myself this year. I only set five but there's so much I want to do and learn that it was hard to even identify some things that I don't even know that I want to learn how to do yet. I am really looking forward to being done with school so I can continue to learn and create.
5. Live band karaoke. The last time I did karaoke was in September 1997 in Japan. Karaoke is part of the Japanese culture and it's generally assumed that you're going to suck and have a great time while doing it. A couple of weeks ago one of my friends organized an outing to a bar that hosts a weekly live band karaoke. The band plays and you sing along with the lyric sheet. I didn't know what to expect so I watched the first 10 or so singers. They were amazing! It's clear that a lot more people practice singing popular songs in the shower than I do. I was totally intimidated and didn't put my name on the list until it was too late. I really want to do this. I don't have a particularly good singing voice but I like performing and I am kicking myself that I just didn't go for it when I had the chance. We're going again in a few works and mark my words, I am going to badly belt out some pop song if it's the last thing I do.
6. Graduation is on May 19. Yay!!! I can't wait!! Unless I flunk all of my classes (unlikely), I am going to get my MBA this year. I took a huge leap leaving libraries and starting a new career and it's been a wild wild ride. I am so glad that I didn't accept complacency and unhappiness and that I went back to school to learn something new. I cannot wait to see how my new career comes together.
7. I need to widen my circle of friends. In some ways, I have never felt more lonely than I have in my life as I have felt in the past year and a half. My promise to myself: I will not allow myself to keep feeling this way after May.
8. I'd like to take a class in the fall. I know this seems nuts - I've been in class quite intensely for the past year and a half. Those are business school classes. While they've been interesting and at times fun, I haven't enjoyed them in the same way I'd enjoy taking an improv class or a belly dancing class or a Japanese class for fun.
9. (I'm reserving this one for some magical discovery/remembrance of something I've always wanted to do!)
10. I've been mulling an entrepreneurial venture for a few months. I'm not sure if it's the influence of business school, because I have something to prove to myself or just because I have an idea that I think might be kind of fun, but this is the year that I figure out how to make it work and if it's possible to start a small (very small) business.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
fall semester wrap-up
It looks like I am going to survive the semester! My last class is tomorrow night and I'll hand in my last group project. As far as I know, class-wise, everything else is done. Unfortunately, work-wise, I'm still in the thick of things. I'm working at my internship until the end of December and I still have about a million hours of my research assistantship left to complete, starting with a grading marathon that begins on Tuesday. Some thoughts on the semester, in no particular order:
- In retrospect I think I can say that 4 classes and 3 jobs was a little too much to take on. Things started to get really rough in November when my Saturday class started. I got it all done, as I always do, but not without a lot of tears and many sleepless nights.
- I did make one big mistake that I feel like I would not have made had I not been juggling 7,000 things all at once, trying to do each and every one perfectly. There's a lesson here that I need to have tattooed on my forehead.
- This was the first semester where I've heard my classmates really complain about other group members not pulling their weight. I don't know if everyone was on their best behavior during the first year or if its because now that most of us are taking electives where we're more mixed with part-time students who don't seem to care as much about the program (many of the part-time students' companies pay for their MBA). At least three of my friends let loose a stream of fury over a group member's lack of performance and my friend K told me that two guys in one of his groups skipped a big group meeting because the Patriots were playing (and no, these classmates weren't actually in the game)!
- This was my first semester taking two back-to-back night classes. Last spring I had two Saturday classes and three 4-7pm classes. It made for a long week, trudging into school all the time so I thought I'd try having 6 hours of class (4-10pm) back to back on Monday nights. I should have known better! My 7-10pm class was deadly boring and awful and my brain really doesn't think very well past 9pm, and frankly getting home at 11pm sucks. In all my classes we get a 10 minute break about half-way through the class. After one break early in the semester, I sat back down in my seat and realized it was only 8:30pm and we still had another hour and a half to go. That was a really really long night!
- Over the course of the semester I have graded 97 2-page case analysis essays written by undergraduates, nearly 70 graduate marketing midterms and nearly 70 graduate marketing finals. Grading is so unglamourous and really tedious! Grading sucks even more when you haven't been in the class all semester and you can only go by what the professor has told you is the correct answer. Undergraduate students in particular are terrible writers. The majority of undergraduate papers that I graded read like extended Facebook status updates. No joke.
- Trying to balance 4 classes, 3 jobs and a boyfriend was really really tough. The one good thing about it is that D and I have been dating for five months and we're still in that getting to know you phase because I never get to see him.
- The ideal yoga - school - work balance is taking two yoga classes/week. Anything more and my body feels like it's going to fall apart; anything less and I feel like I am going to fly into a murderous rage if we hit one more red light on the bus to school. I love yoga but it does take time to go to the studio, take the class and come home. When I go running I leave from my front door.
- I'm not sure if I had a favorite class of the semester. I'd like to say it was Business of Social Media but I mentally checked out of the class after the worst feedback I've ever received in my life on my first paper. (Though I note that my re-writes of my papers thus far have received As and were filled with compliments. Go figure.) My change management class was interesting and I got a lot out of it but I wish that I had had a real job where I could test out some of the theories we learned in real time.
- There have been times during the semester where I've really wondered if going back to business school was a good idea and if it was worth it. By changing careers at age 37, I am trying to do something really really really hard, and sometimes the enormity and difficulty of what I'm doing was really really overwhelming. Deep down I know it will all be worth it, but on the days were I'm surrounded by 30 20-year-olds at an Internship open house and stick out like a sore thumb, it's really hard to see the forest for the trees.
- I think I owe every single person I know a phone call, an email or a visit. Nearly all socializing had to take a backseat to everything else I had to do. I think I kind of shot myself in the foot with this one, because I feel completely disconnected with the rest of the world.
- Thank god I like quinoa salad, roasted tofu and homemade applesauce. Unfortunately, making the time to eat dropped down on the priority list as my to do list increased.
- It's really hard to explain what being a full-time MBA student is like. It's literally like being on a parallel plane as everyone else. Most people go to work during the day and their non-work time can be used in anyway they like. For business school students, there is no "non-work time". There is always something that needs to be done - papers, group projects, reading, etc. I've spoken to my classmates about this and I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. We could go to a movie but 10% of our brain is still thinking about what needs to be done. We could go out to dinner with friends or have a nice day doing something non-school, but then have to make up the time by working like crazy until midnight and then getting up at the crack of dawn to keep trying to chip away at when you missed while doing something "fun." Holidays and birthdays don't really mean much. I did homework on Thanksgiving and on Black Friday I spent a fabulous day with my beau, only to then work like a dog the rest of the weekend. MBA students like to be busy busy busy with a lot going on, but I know I speak for all of us when I say that I can't wait until that busy busy busy time is directed by what I want to do, not what my professors want me to do.
- Everyone complains about the workload and being busy but everyone is really busy and has a lot going on. For the past year I felt like I was the one who couldn't hold everything together and I was the only one crying over my laptop because I was so overwhelmed. A few weeks ago my friend N, a finance major who's taking 5 classes, told me he hadn't been out on a Friday or Saturday night the entire semester and spends all of his time in the Library. His friends have told him he's started to act like a "jerk" because he's so miserable all the time. And two weeks ago my friend K, who's kind of a tough girl with an attitude, told me that she's at her parents' house every weekend crying about how hard her classes were. I really thought I was the only one. Not that I want to start an MBA support group, but it felt good to know that I wasn't the only who having a really tough time.
- There's a possibility that I might have a 4.0 gpa this semester. My hardest, most busiest semester? The one that nearly kicked my ass in November and I get a 4.0?? This would be so awesome!
- A few weeks ago my friends and I all declared that we were going to walk across that stage at graduation and party to celebrate that we were done. It's nice to have something to look forward to! Three! More! Classes!
- In retrospect I think I can say that 4 classes and 3 jobs was a little too much to take on. Things started to get really rough in November when my Saturday class started. I got it all done, as I always do, but not without a lot of tears and many sleepless nights.
- I did make one big mistake that I feel like I would not have made had I not been juggling 7,000 things all at once, trying to do each and every one perfectly. There's a lesson here that I need to have tattooed on my forehead.
- This was the first semester where I've heard my classmates really complain about other group members not pulling their weight. I don't know if everyone was on their best behavior during the first year or if its because now that most of us are taking electives where we're more mixed with part-time students who don't seem to care as much about the program (many of the part-time students' companies pay for their MBA). At least three of my friends let loose a stream of fury over a group member's lack of performance and my friend K told me that two guys in one of his groups skipped a big group meeting because the Patriots were playing (and no, these classmates weren't actually in the game)!
- This was my first semester taking two back-to-back night classes. Last spring I had two Saturday classes and three 4-7pm classes. It made for a long week, trudging into school all the time so I thought I'd try having 6 hours of class (4-10pm) back to back on Monday nights. I should have known better! My 7-10pm class was deadly boring and awful and my brain really doesn't think very well past 9pm, and frankly getting home at 11pm sucks. In all my classes we get a 10 minute break about half-way through the class. After one break early in the semester, I sat back down in my seat and realized it was only 8:30pm and we still had another hour and a half to go. That was a really really long night!
- Over the course of the semester I have graded 97 2-page case analysis essays written by undergraduates, nearly 70 graduate marketing midterms and nearly 70 graduate marketing finals. Grading is so unglamourous and really tedious! Grading sucks even more when you haven't been in the class all semester and you can only go by what the professor has told you is the correct answer. Undergraduate students in particular are terrible writers. The majority of undergraduate papers that I graded read like extended Facebook status updates. No joke.
- Trying to balance 4 classes, 3 jobs and a boyfriend was really really tough. The one good thing about it is that D and I have been dating for five months and we're still in that getting to know you phase because I never get to see him.
- The ideal yoga - school - work balance is taking two yoga classes/week. Anything more and my body feels like it's going to fall apart; anything less and I feel like I am going to fly into a murderous rage if we hit one more red light on the bus to school. I love yoga but it does take time to go to the studio, take the class and come home. When I go running I leave from my front door.
- I'm not sure if I had a favorite class of the semester. I'd like to say it was Business of Social Media but I mentally checked out of the class after the worst feedback I've ever received in my life on my first paper. (Though I note that my re-writes of my papers thus far have received As and were filled with compliments. Go figure.) My change management class was interesting and I got a lot out of it but I wish that I had had a real job where I could test out some of the theories we learned in real time.
- There have been times during the semester where I've really wondered if going back to business school was a good idea and if it was worth it. By changing careers at age 37, I am trying to do something really really really hard, and sometimes the enormity and difficulty of what I'm doing was really really overwhelming. Deep down I know it will all be worth it, but on the days were I'm surrounded by 30 20-year-olds at an Internship open house and stick out like a sore thumb, it's really hard to see the forest for the trees.
- I think I owe every single person I know a phone call, an email or a visit. Nearly all socializing had to take a backseat to everything else I had to do. I think I kind of shot myself in the foot with this one, because I feel completely disconnected with the rest of the world.
- Thank god I like quinoa salad, roasted tofu and homemade applesauce. Unfortunately, making the time to eat dropped down on the priority list as my to do list increased.
- It's really hard to explain what being a full-time MBA student is like. It's literally like being on a parallel plane as everyone else. Most people go to work during the day and their non-work time can be used in anyway they like. For business school students, there is no "non-work time". There is always something that needs to be done - papers, group projects, reading, etc. I've spoken to my classmates about this and I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. We could go to a movie but 10% of our brain is still thinking about what needs to be done. We could go out to dinner with friends or have a nice day doing something non-school, but then have to make up the time by working like crazy until midnight and then getting up at the crack of dawn to keep trying to chip away at when you missed while doing something "fun." Holidays and birthdays don't really mean much. I did homework on Thanksgiving and on Black Friday I spent a fabulous day with my beau, only to then work like a dog the rest of the weekend. MBA students like to be busy busy busy with a lot going on, but I know I speak for all of us when I say that I can't wait until that busy busy busy time is directed by what I want to do, not what my professors want me to do.
- Everyone complains about the workload and being busy but everyone is really busy and has a lot going on. For the past year I felt like I was the one who couldn't hold everything together and I was the only one crying over my laptop because I was so overwhelmed. A few weeks ago my friend N, a finance major who's taking 5 classes, told me he hadn't been out on a Friday or Saturday night the entire semester and spends all of his time in the Library. His friends have told him he's started to act like a "jerk" because he's so miserable all the time. And two weeks ago my friend K, who's kind of a tough girl with an attitude, told me that she's at her parents' house every weekend crying about how hard her classes were. I really thought I was the only one. Not that I want to start an MBA support group, but it felt good to know that I wasn't the only who having a really tough time.
- There's a possibility that I might have a 4.0 gpa this semester. My hardest, most busiest semester? The one that nearly kicked my ass in November and I get a 4.0?? This would be so awesome!
- A few weeks ago my friends and I all declared that we were going to walk across that stage at graduation and party to celebrate that we were done. It's nice to have something to look forward to! Three! More! Classes!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Nat King Cole
I screwed up. I screwed up Big Time. I don't want to go into details but suffice it to say I made a mistake that took me a couple of months to discover. I found the error on Saturday morning and as soon as I saw what I did, I burst into tears and remained weepy all day long. You know it's bad when you tell exactly two people what happened and they respond in nearly the same way: Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!!!!!!!!!
My internal voices have been raging for about 24 hours. They go back and forth between anger, disappointment and despondency. There isn't really anything I can do to fix what happened, other than check and double check all future work. I could chose to keep wallowing in what I did - and it's really tempting to keep doing so - but it won't change the past. Instead I'm taking a deep breath and making a new plan of action and take a little comfort from Nat King Cole.
Pick yourself up...
Take a deep breath...
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And start all over again.
Don't lose your confidence
If you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
Work like a soul inspired
Until the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son.
Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again
They picked themselves up
Dust themselves off
And start'd all over again.
Work like a soul inspired
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son.
Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath...
Pick yourself up...
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
My internal voices have been raging for about 24 hours. They go back and forth between anger, disappointment and despondency. There isn't really anything I can do to fix what happened, other than check and double check all future work. I could chose to keep wallowing in what I did - and it's really tempting to keep doing so - but it won't change the past. Instead I'm taking a deep breath and making a new plan of action and take a little comfort from Nat King Cole.
Pick yourself up...
Take a deep breath...
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And start all over again.
Don't lose your confidence
If you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
Work like a soul inspired
Until the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son.
Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again
They picked themselves up
Dust themselves off
And start'd all over again.
Work like a soul inspired
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son.
Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath...
Pick yourself up...
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.
Friday, December 2, 2011
28 - friends
I've never had a lot of friends. Sure, I know tons of people and have lots of people to hang out with but I am not sure if I would call most of them friends. I've never had someone in my life that I was so close to that I could call just to chat or spontaneously go somewhere or that I could tell anything to. Like a friend. Sure, there's Facebook. But really, how well do I know any of my 158 friends? Or they know me? I find it difficult to let people close to me; my walls are higher up than they should be. And at this point in my life, creating a friendship requires more time than I have to have. And making new friends at age 37 is pretty hard.
This has been a difficult year in many ways. Not having someone I can just call to vent to or hang out with has been really really hard. Everything I've gone through I've held inside. I've made friends since I've been back to New England but I've already moved a few times which tends to strain the bonds of a blossoming friendship. Babies also changes the dynamic when one person has one and you and your partner take about getting a cat someday (and not a baby). Another group has sort of welcomed me into their group but I am aware that my place standing waxed and waned depending on a series of complicated social maneuvers. And there's that whole no time and no money to do expensive, extravagant things. And honestly, I'm no longer sure if I want to be part of that group (What's the quote? I wouldn't want to be part of a group that would have me as a member?) anymore. I miss my friends in SoCal but time and distance changes friendship dynamics.
I am crying as I write this. I've had a tough couple of days and just got another really bad haircut. I shouldn't be crying - this is about things I'm grateful for! There have been a few unexpected developments in the friends department, those who under different circumstances just weren't there and those who've been there right along. I am truly grateful to this year, for showing me who my friends really are. And I'm grateful for the friends that I do have, old and new, near and far. I miss you all so very very much.
This has been a difficult year in many ways. Not having someone I can just call to vent to or hang out with has been really really hard. Everything I've gone through I've held inside. I've made friends since I've been back to New England but I've already moved a few times which tends to strain the bonds of a blossoming friendship. Babies also changes the dynamic when one person has one and you and your partner take about getting a cat someday (and not a baby). Another group has sort of welcomed me into their group but I am aware that my place standing waxed and waned depending on a series of complicated social maneuvers. And there's that whole no time and no money to do expensive, extravagant things. And honestly, I'm no longer sure if I want to be part of that group (What's the quote? I wouldn't want to be part of a group that would have me as a member?) anymore. I miss my friends in SoCal but time and distance changes friendship dynamics.
I am crying as I write this. I've had a tough couple of days and just got another really bad haircut. I shouldn't be crying - this is about things I'm grateful for! There have been a few unexpected developments in the friends department, those who under different circumstances just weren't there and those who've been there right along. I am truly grateful to this year, for showing me who my friends really are. And I'm grateful for the friends that I do have, old and new, near and far. I miss you all so very very much.
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