25 imperfections

I am totally stealing the concept for this post from S. Does anyone else spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what you *should* be doing and then looking at others who appear to be doing what you've been avoiding and then feel like a failure? No? Then it's just me, I guess. I am obsessed with being perfect, though I am so far from being perfect it's almost tragic. If it looks like I'm keeping it all together and doing everything "right" then in my next blog post I'll transcribe my Oscar speech. Women in particular are prone to feeling like they have to do everything and do everything well. You'll never catch a man feeling guilty for not plating a a slice of lasagna just so or looking at a friend and feeling like his hairstyle pales in comparison to his mates'. While I was running this morning I got to thinking of my own (self-perceived) imperfections and failures and by then end of my run I actually thought they were all pretty laughable and injected a nice dose of reality into what started off as a pretty crappy weekend, mainly due to 8 hours of obsessing yesterday.

Behold - my imperfections and failures! (Thanks S!):

1. If I don't eat at regular intervals I get extremely cranky and will cry at the drop of a hat. Worse yet, I know the warning signs but usually ignore them and don't stop for a snack.
   
2. I hate driving. Let me repeat that: I HATE TO DRIVE!!!! Driving around all day (either behind the wheel or as a passenger) can put me in a funk for days.
3. If I don't feel the destination was worth the drive then I am going to be extremely crabby on the way home.
4. When I cry I am not pretty. Crying makes my nose run faster than Flo Jo. I can go through like 40 tissues during a sad movie and a box and a half when I'm really upset about something. It drives me nuts when a movie heroine can cry with a solitary tear running down her face and still look fabulous. I look more like an extra in a horror movie.
   
5. I loathe talking on the phone and will avoid it all all costs. Please don't think that I don't want to talk to you. I do. I just can't make myself pick up the phone, dial a number and talk into the phone.
   
6. If I don't know how to spell a word I will completely rearrange the sentence to avoid the spelling. This mainly happens with plurals involving "e"s or adding "ly" or "ing" to a word that has an extra "e".
   
7. I have no idea how to use the comma. I just guess. If a sentence looks like it has too many I just take one (or two) out.
8. I have a very low tolerance for books that don't catch my attention on the first page. I used to make myself read to page 50, then it was to page 25 and now I am lucky I can get through the first page if the books starts off slow/lame.
9. I have never hugged my brother as an adult (or child?). We don't have that kind of a relationship.
10. This (#9) bothers me a great deal but I don't know how to fix it.
11. I cannot relax until the dishes in the sink are done. It drives me insane to have dirty dishes pile up and I physically cannot let them sit there for more than a few hours. It's taken me years to be able to eat first and then wash the dishes rather than let everything get cold so as to not let the dirty dishes sit there.
12. I rarely if ever wash the bathtub. I'll do it if I know someone else is going to take the shower or if it starts to get really really bad but I'd rather wear flip flops in my own tub than scrub it regularly.
13. I read a lot but it's mostly current novels, mysteries and nonfiction. When people talk about "the classics" I either pretend I've read them or act confused like I can't keep an author's books straight. It's more like I've never read them and likely never will.
14. I waste a lot of food because most leftovers revolt me.
    
15. I haven't been to a gynecologist in fifteen years and I lie when other doctors ask me about it.
    
16. When making plans with other people I always defer to them. I always think that if we do what I want to do and it sucks then I'm responsible and they're not going to want to be friends with me anymore.
    
17. I hate talking about my accomplishments. I find it embarrassing. In my mind I haven't accomplished anything.
18. When friends tell me they're pregnant I always have to stop myself from asking "on purpose?"
    
19. I've never given money to a homeless person on the street.
20. I stress out and freak out about way too many things. It's the anticipation that kills me, not the actual event. After the event starts I feel foolish for making too big a deal of things.
21. I get jealous of women with great hair.
    
22. Makeup confounds me. When I wear anything besides mascara and lipstick I think I look like a child playing in her mom's makeup.
23. Even though I say it doesn't matter, it still bugs me when a guy shows up to a date and is a few inches shorter than me.
24. Sometimes I wonder if I am slow and just don't know it. It takes me a long time to think about things and come up with a good response to questions I've been asked and I still end up saying the wrong thing and/or tripping over my words.
    
25. I don't like confrontation. When I have to have a serious conversation with someone about something that's been bothering me I go for a run and have the conversation in my head instead. It makes me feel better but nothing ever really gets resolved.

I could easily add another 25 (or more!) things to this list!