How smart is too smart?

I had an interesting conversation with two friends yesterday about men. Nothing too unusual there. One friend, a man, has been married for nearly 10 years. (I'll call him M for "man") They're working hard to procreate and frankly, sharing way too many of the details. He couldn't believe that in our particular social circle there are no single/available men. We went through just about every person we all knew and they were either single like me and F (F is for "female") or married. Not a single man in the bunch. M was stunned. I tend to think smug married really haven't a clue as to how the other half (aka the singles) live.

F's biological clock is ticking so loudly that you can hear it when she steps on campus. We've talked about it and she's even worked out what she'd do if she decided she would go it alone. My biological clock ticks too, for marriage, not for children. F is cute, fun, sexy, mischievous and a whole host of other amazing qualities. She's one of my favorite friends out here. She is also super super freakishly smart. F has a Ph.D in a scientific field from a very reputable school. When M asked us what kind of men we were looking for, F stated assertively "I don't think there are going to be a lot of uneducated guys who would feel comfortable dating me." She has a point.

There must be men out there who aren't intimidated by intelligence and there must be men out there who are just as educated as all of us nerds in academia and there might even be men out there who would be pretty psyched to be with someone with multiple advanced degrees and a drive to succeed. I hope so, anyway; I'm still looking for one. I hate to give weight to the 50s stereotype that men want women who can't think for themselves but I think that in some ways it lives on. In my own dating history I've seen time and time again men who can't deal with the fact that I am a strong independent woman who can take care of herself. Yes, sometimes I do want to be taken care of, but mostly I do ok on my own. A man's biological imperative is that he provides. If I hadn't made it to 35 without figuring out how to provide for myself, natural selection would have killed me off long ago.

Despite the women's movement women have it tougher than they ever did. Sure we have more choices and more opportunities. We can create our own futures and make career and family choices that would never have been possible 50 years ago without societal stigma. Yet, at the same time, old habits die hard. Sure we can be nuclear physicists but we also need to be home by 5pm to serve dinner and take care of the home and family. (I'm not even going to go into the entire flip-side of the argument where women decide to stay home to be with their family and are absolutely crucified by working women. C'mon - aren't we all entitled to our own choices and doing what's best for ourselves and our families?? Isn't that what the entire women's movement is all about??)

I'm going back to school in the fall for an MBA. This isn't some frou-frou degree; my curriculum is pretty hard core. I already have a Master's - in Library Science. (Hopefully) at the end of two years I'll have two Master's. I am pretty excited about this and have entertained all sorts of fantasies about what I want to do at the end of the MBA program. I am a very driven woman, very type A, prone to (over) achieving. I like my work self. I like her a lot! But do I worry that I'm shooting my biological marriage clock in the foot by going back to school, getting another degree, and (hopefully) starting a new career where I actually get to drive companies forward. My dating history has been a grim indicator of my personal success if all of these fantasies come true. X couldn't handle me going back to school because he felt it would have taken away from him. The guy I'm seeing now really really doesn't get it and can't see why if my current job gives me a paycheck just for showing up, it's not enough. I don't feel that I should have to sacrifice my career goals in order to have a spouse, but at my age, it feels like the pool is getting shallow and every quirk and idiosyncrasy I have or add is going to make it smaller and smaller. I can't make the other choice, though. I can't hide my intelligence, my drive and my excitement over getting an MBA because then I won't be me. If I'm going to hide myself I might as well get in my time machine and get out in 1942.