settling

I can't believe I am going to admit this but I am about to settle for something huge.

I am buying a condo. The where and the why are a very long story (and also a big secret so if you are reading this - shhhh!). I started looking in September. I thought I knew what I wanted - a unit in a house that had been split up into 2 - 4 condos. Something old, something funky, something that might require a little work, somewhere in a cool neighborhood, something that had parking and my own washer and dryer. With each property I saw this dream faded. X told me that I had to make a list of what I wanted, what I had to have and what I didn't care about. This became a very helpful exercise once I was left with the dregs in my price range.

The foreclosure disaster has led the government to make a bunch of laws to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Despite trying to encourage first time home buyers the laws have actually made it pretty difficult to buy a home. The bank took a look at my current income and after wiping its tears of laughter told me how much I could afford. It wasn't much but it felt way out of my financial comfort. My realtor was quick to tell me there wasn't much "inventory" in my price range and that as a first time homeowner I should avoid foreclosures and short sales. This cut my options in half. Then I discovered the rule that if a condo complex is less than 75% owner occupied you have to put 20%+ down. This took away all the interesting condos in old funky houses leaving me with what I dreaded most: a condo in a big brick box.

The strange thing is that even though I know I am totally settling for my condo in a big brick box I am actually ok with it. The thought of being a condo owner has taken my emotions from excitement to why oh why am I doing this?! to a mixed bag of feelings (today's mood) but settling for a big brick box feels like the right choice. I don't have to live there forever - it will be where I live when get through business school but there are no rules on how long afterward I have to stay. It's not in a cool, funky neighborhood, but it is around the corner from a yoga studio I can't wait to try out and it's on a good bus line. It's two bedrooms so my bike will have it's own space. It's also a top floor corner unit with hardwood floors. It needs a little work and I am looking forward to creating a better kitchen space. All good things, right? Right. I don't have to live there forever but while I am there it will be *mine*.

I am really surprised and pleased with my attitude. Never in a million years did I think that I would settle for something as important as the condo I am going to buy. If I waited until the perfect condo came up I'd be homeless and broke. The thought of settling usually fills me with terror and need to make up for the lack of perfection in other areas. This time I've taken a more go-with-the-flow attitude. Maybe I am starting to learn that nothing in life is perfect and that's what makes life interesting. I think a lot of this change in attitude has come from yoga. I am still going faithfully and I can feel the mental (and physical differences). Maybe it comes from having the space and time in the past couple of months to really be alone with myself, my head and my thoughts. Maybe I just got too tired to chase after dreams of perfection that I was never going to find. Maybe I am finally (finally!!) growing up.

There are still areas of my life I am not willing to settle - nothing less than Ben & Jerry's ice cream! - but I think that I've figured out how to weigh what's important against what's really really important against what really doesn't matter. Humans are flawed, myself included. Life feels like it's becoming a lot easier when not trying to get others or myself to fit into our perfect boxes.

I am excited about my new place. It's going to be great!