"Have a good life"

Today was my last day of work. I am off until August 18 when I start my new job. This will be the most time off I have had off from working since about when I started working at age 14. It won't exactly be all fun and games, margaritas on the beach, etc as in 5 short days I'll be driving across country.

It was an incredibly surreal experience to leave work at 5pm-ish today knowing that I don't have to be back tomorrow or Saturday. I have been at my job for 7 years and have probably spent more time at work those 7 years than I have anywhere else. I've certainly spent more time thinking about work during those 7 years than I have spent thinking about anything else. I've had a million jobs before this one and I don't remember leaving any of them as disjointed as I feel leaving this one. I practically sprinted out of Fresno on my last day with an enormous grin on my face. When I left the architecture firm I had said my goodbyes to my friends the night before and sort of slunk out the side door when it was time. I've had so many other jobs that I frankly don't remember how I left.

Leaving this job was different. Despite my best efforts :) I got attached. The irony is not lost on me that I have spent the past few years working hard on allowing myself to get attached to something. I got attached to my work and my customers and the building and the process of work but mostly I got attached to the people I've worked with. I realize that I knew most of my co-workers on a mainly superficial level but I still got attached to who they were and the calm-inside-a-storm-safety-net that they provided me when my life turned to shit. I have learned something from everyone and have truly enjoyed working with each and every one of them (though obviously not every second of every day!). I've become soft since working at my current job so it's hard for me to imagine starting a new job with new people to get attached to. As I think about leaving my co-workers I am feel something weird - god help me, it's moisture coming from my eyes!

The subject of this post came from my belly dancing instructor. My class had a small party for me last night and as I was leaving Fatima said "Have a good life." That kind of blew me away. There is something about that phrase that completely and totally freaks me out. I do hope I have a good life. I hope that I am making the right decision by moving and leaving California. "Have a good life" is kind of morbid and final and desperate in its meaning and makes me feel like I am already a million years old and am on my last legs. Oddly enough I was thinking of using this very phrase if a certain unnamed asshole tried to contact me before I leave. I can say through experience that it is the right thing to say and conveys exactly what I mean should (hopefully not!) it come to that. To my friends and coworkers who I will miss dearly I won't say "Have a good life" but "I wish you all the success and happiness you desire."